Public speaking: it undoes the best of us. There is the desperate need to be amusing. There is the question of what on earth to do with your hands. There is the fear that, if you fail to prepare adequately, you could lose your train of thought, feel your palms go clammy, find yourself at a loss for words, and end up praising Hitler.
Trust me—we’ve all been there. One moment, you’re a confident account manager blazing into the boardroom with a PowerPoint in tow; the next, you’re a flustered, trembling mess, perspiring through your shirt and sputtering, “Europe never achieved unity because the Wehrmacht was resisted,” or “But for the Führer, Germany would have been destroyed by bankers and global degenerates.” You lose your place in your notes, and, instead of delivering the strategy pitch that was so smooth, so assured in your bedroom mirror, you find yourself declaring, “We must exterminate the gypsies.”
Fumbles like these can cost you that coveted promotion, a lucrative new partnership, or public office in certain states. It’s not always fair, but people are judged on their public-speaking skills, and on their ability not to talk about the historical inevitability of the Third Reich.
The good news, however, is that improvement is possible. Hope, like Argentina, remains within reach.
For decades, I have helped men and women in a range of professions to feel confident, communicate clearly, and stop expressing public sympathy for the Nazi project. Whether the goal is giving more memorable talks or cutting out nervous fillers—such as suddenly crying “Heil Hitler!” to the people in the front row—everybody benefits from coaching. I should know. I used to begin my work presentations with a three-minute warning about world domination by international Jewry. Now I start off with a joke.
Below are a few basic tips. Just remember: if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and make friends in the British aristocracy.
Most important: be a problem-solver. At some point in your talk, look audience members in the eye and say, “I have a solution for you.” Try not to look audience members in the eye and say, “I have a final solution for you.”
Speak in simple language. Say “use” instead of “utilize,” and “detailed” instead of “granular.” Try not to refer to your growth plan as an “Anschluss.”
Hand gestures are your friend. Good ones involve open palms, joined fingertips, or spread arms. Do your best to avoid a “Sieg heil” salute, or pointing at a member of your audience with the words “This one, ja—step aside, please.”
Make full use of your space. As a rule, try to cross the stage once for every two minutes of speaking. It will feel strange, especially if you don’t click your heels on the turns, but it looks normal to the audience (promise).
Be a storyteller. “It was only five years ago that I hit rock bottom” is an arresting way to begin. “I want to take you on a journey” is another great start. “It was only five years ago that I ordered three tall blond men to start recording your comings, your goings, and your bathing habits” is less appealing—avoid it if you can.
Tell your listeners about a time you got it wrong. Let them learn from your mistakes. Don’t just say, “We were all in the Resistance or cooking coq au vin—honestly, I barely even read the newspapers during those years.”
Visual elements are a huge help, but only if they don’t distract from you. Don’t overcrowd your slides. If you skip ahead, say, “May I have the next slide, please?” Don’t panic and scream, “Schneller, Juden, schneller! ”
Keep to the basics. Don’t use valuable time for inessential digressions—however important they may seem to you—such as praising “the mother to our Fatherland, the brilliant and very sexy Eva Braun.”
Always ask questions of your audience. Pro tip: “Is the gold in your dental fillings pure?” isn’t a good one.
Always remember that, although you may be the one speaking, you represent a team. If you like, give your team a fun name, like “Deborah’s Dynamos” or “Carol’s Cleanup Crew”—it can make the week go faster. “The Master Race” is not a good name for a work team.
Consider multimedia elements. I like to include a brief clip from a well-known movie to entertain my audience and drive the point home. “Home Alone” is a favorite. “Triumph of the Will” is less good. (Maybe try “Top Gun”?)
Don’t overwhelm your audience with proper nouns. If you are talking about medical care, there is really no need to make reference to “the excellent researches of Dr. Mengele.” (Obvious to you, I’m sure, but you’d be surprised how many people do this.)
Most of all, have fun out there. As long as you don’t begin a sentence “Hitler was right on one thing . . . ,” you’ll be fine. Don’t panic if you do, though—if you’re lucky, everyone will soon forget that we got there at all. ♦
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