speech bubbles
Illustration by Luci Gutiérrez

Alabama: 5

Alaska: Leaning 4

Arizona: T.B.D.

Arkansas: 3-something

California: 4.000001

Colorado: About 4?

Connecticut: $4.4 billion

Delaware: Ordinary 4

Florida: Commonsense 5

Georgia: 11,476 to go

Hawaii: 4-point-oh

Idaho: .40 cal.

Illinois: Make offer.

Indiana: Ask again later.

Iowa: 2,024

Kansas: 4 / not 4

Kentucky: Nonnegotiable 5

Louisiana: Boo-coo 3

Maine: 5 but looking

Maryland: 4 and holding

Massachusetts: As 4 as it gets

Michigan: Crossed-out-tattoo 4

Minnesota: 4, if that’s O.K.?

Mississippi: 6 and falling

Missouri: 3, 4, or 5—give or take

Montana: At least 5

Nebraska: 5-ish 4

Nevada: 3, and the over

New Hampshire: 4 for now

New Jersey: 5, and the under

New Mexico: 5, please

New York: “5?” Please.

North Carolina: Turning 4

North Dakota: 5 below

Ohio: The 4 that is a 5

Oklahoma: Never 4

Oregon: 3.999999

Pennsylvania: “n” = the Unknown

Rhode Island: Fried calamari!

South Carolina: Future 4

South Dakota: Tentative 7

Tennessee: Trending 3

Texas: 5 lone stars

Utah: Computers down

Vermont: Nonnegotiable 4

Virginia: 4, né 5

Washington: Fine with 4

West Virginia: Damn sure 6

Wisconsin: Conflicted 4

Wyoming: 4 the hard way ♦